‘What do women want’?

Not again!!! You are going to say. Thousands of books have been written, million of studies conducted, numerous psychologists have propounded theories on the topic. Dr. Gray wrote ‘Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus and a sequel too. So much so, Nancy Meyers made a movie. So why am I talking about this much-hackneyed subject.

Because yesterday, I saw a video on Facebook by a girl, who was trying to explain what women mean when they say some particular things. It was funny to start with but at the end she said, “Its easy, all you have to do is to be mind reader”. And my reaction was what a thought? Why make fun of us? Its not that I can’t take a joke about women or I get into a fit if I hear a sexist remark. Most times, I am able to either laugh about it or ignore it.

But that girl had me thinking. Is it that bad? Or are men that daft not to k now what we want?

All we want is to be heard with attention and not with disdain. To be taken seriously and not cast aside as some necessary but an irritating thing. To be cared for genuinely and not when we have to jump in the sack.

We want to be respected for what we are, who we are and what we contribute to the society. We want our achievements to be lauded as loudly as men. We want accolades for our triumphs and not caustic comments like she must have slept her way to the top. The other day, an Ontario member of parliament came out with her experience as a politician. She said ass grabbing is a very common thing for female politicians. I was shocked. She also said that women politicians are made fun of.

 Is this the way women are treated by men in the so-called educated, liberated western world?

What right, then, these people have to criticize honour killing and burqa imposition in Muslim countries? How can they raise a finger on extremists who don’t allow their women to be educated or who don’t allow their women to go out alone. I am not condoning that but I am also appalled at the mentality of the self-claimed liberated west. How come there has been no woman president in America? Why abortion such a big issue in north America even now? In India we had Mary Stopes in seventies where women could go and have an abortion done.

Women in the west had suffragette movement to get the right to vote. So men folk out there, please stop treating us either with kid gloves or an object. Just do us a favour. Stop analyzing us. Give us our space and treat us like you will treat any other buddy.

What we want is your respect as a person.

‘Music is the medicine of the mind’

So said John Logan, the noted soldier and leader. In India, music was always used to calm the frantic mind and even for major ailments. Just before our first show of our play last Friday, we chanted Om, the prime sound of the universe. It uplifted our spirits and we had a great show.

I have often experienced when I am sad or stressed, listening to classical music helps me. Many of you must have experienced this, may be with film songs or western classical. But I did some research and what I found amazed me. Not only our ragas are specifically designed for a particular time of the day but also specific ragas are meant to help in specific ailments.

The original ragas are created keeping in mind the harmony between seven chakras and seven ‘swaras’, notes. This is the reason classical rendition are able to affect the mind body system. Pandit Onkarnath Thakur healed even Mussolini, the Italian dictator, for his insomnia. His rendition of raag Puriya made Mussolini go to deep sleep within half an hour. Tansen often sang ragas to provide relief to Akbar.

There are in total 72 basic ragas, Neurological research has proved that these 72 ragas actually control 72 nerves in the human body. Singing or performing a Raga, when bound to its specifications and with purity in pitch or swara shuddi gives the performer complete control on the corresponding nerve. Ragas Ahirbhairav and Todi are prescribed for patients suffering from hypertension. Carnatic ragas like Punnagavarali and Sahana are useful to calm the mind and control anger.

Raag Shivranjini helps in treating memory problems; Raag Bhairavi provides relief from sinus, cold, toothache and phlegm. Raag Chandrakauns is good for heart problems and diabetes and Darbari Kanara eases tension and provides relaxation.

Want a peaceful sleep? Listen to raag Bihag or raag Bahar before going to bed. Suffer from low blood pressure? Raag Malkauns is your antidote. Raag Bageshwari arouses a feeling of stability, depth and calmness.

Of  course the ragas have to be sung properly with clear notes to have any effect. So next time you are angry or depressed, listen to a classical piece and you will feel better.

So be it!!!

(Source: various articles)

‘An actor prepares’

A famous book by the legendary Russian actor Constantin Stanislavski. In the book he describes his journey as an actor. He describes his triumphs and tribulations and the invaluable lessons that he picked up from the greats in the acting field. I read the book a few years ago when my son was trying his hand in Bollywood. The book mesmerized me.

There is so much hard work that all the good actors put in. It's not all glamour and glitz. There is lots of work before you give a single shot or before you come on stage live. I had a taste of this while preparing for my role in the play I'll be playing tonight and two more days.

I had been doing plays in my school and college. Even here I have been acting and of course my radio program has me acting all the time though behind the microphone. But preparing this role under the tutelage of our director Prakash Date, an accomplished director was another story.

There were long practice sessions, yes, but getting into the character in the real sense was what he demanded from all of us. The feelings can’t be intellectual he said, and how right he was. They have to come from the gut and then you get real tears and real laughter.

So, my training in diaphragmic breathing came in handy. You can hold a lot of air for a longer time and that gives your dialogue delivery an edge. You are playing a character and you are in the character. What a difference!!! Now I realize why Naseeruddin Shah, Pankaj Kapoor, Om Puri, Robert de Nero, Anupam Kher are what they are. My salute to these stalwarts. I had studied film critiquing and had always admired their acting but after going through the rigmarole myself, I now stand in all humility.

I don’t know if I will deliver tonight but I am sure of one thing. As I stand there and deliver my two-page long monologue, I will be in the character and not playing it.

So be it!!!

‘So be it’

You must be reading this at the end of each blog everyday.

But why do I write this?  Is it just a habit or a style to end my blogs?

The actual word is Tathastu. The word means, so be it, in Hindi, aisa hi ho. In western world, it is Amen or Ameen in Arabic. There is a whole philosophy behind the word. When a sage or a wise man would give his blessings to someone, they would say Tathastu or so be it. Since they are evolved souls, they can actually materialize energy in to matter and could give you the thing you desired. But at other times, there was so much power behind the thought that one’s wishes would actually fructify.

Actually,  when we desire something desperately and we are ready to pay our price for it, the thing materializes before our eyes. The price could be hard work; sacrifices of vacations, a rigorous routine, fasting or anything, when we are ready to go to lengths for it, we always get it. If we don’t then we have not paid its price as yet.

Our ancient sages knew this law of attraction centuries before Napoleon Hill and others talked about it. ‘The secret’ was there in the Indian psyche, inculcated by our forefathers but destroyed by the continuous onslaught not just on our land but on our thoughts and way of living.

As Sadguru says, ‘anything that comes from East is superstition and anything that comes from West is science’. But there is science behind the word Tathastu. When you say it with all intention and blessings for the recipient, you create an energy field, which sets in motion a whole process of energy materializing in matter.

That is why we chant mantras. Mantras are nothing but a unique combination of sound waves set in a pattern to affect different energy centres in our body. When these centres get activated, our behavior changes and we achieve our goals. On a very basic level, continued reiteration of what we say keeps our eyes on our goal and we are bound to reach it.

Vastu lays a lot of emphasis on mantras to purify the energy field in your home. One of them is ‘Om Bhagwate Vasudevay Namah’. This mantra should be chanted at least 108 times in one sitting and ideally should be chanted 125,000 times in total. This purifies your energy and hence your home.

Happy chanting

So be it!!!

‘It’s not time to worry yet’

Harper Lee in Killing a mockingbird. We chose this book for our book club this month. So shall we have a fixed  time to worry? I think it’s a great idea. Instead of worrying about things the whole day, let's keep a time aside when we can worry to our heart’s content.

See we get up in the morning and start worrying what to cook, what to wear, filling gas in the car, packing lunch, dropping kids, finishing up the project in the o0ffice and attending the daily meeting and so on. Then there is the worry of what will happen if this or that happens; weekend plans, grocery, laundry, the list is endless.

We have time slots for other things. So why not have a time slot for worry? Say at the end of the day? We can worry what to cook the next day, prepare lunches and take out clothes to wear the next morning. Make some quick notes about the meeting. May be do laundry on a weeknight and fold it while watching TV? Or grab grocery on the way back from office?

My friend Medha, an engineer by profession, plans whole week’s menu on a Sunday night and marinates fish or chicken, chops all the vegetables and keeps them in separate containers. Like most desis, she cooks fresh food so she has this prep work done already. So she enjoys a busy social life, arranges choreography for an upcoming function for a friend and not worry.

I work part time so I have no time for worry. But those of you, who work full time, please take out some time to worry. Ask for help. If your spouse cannot help, hire outside help.

You have a life too. LIVE it

So be it!!!

'The wheel is come full circle: I am here'

Says, Edmund in King Lear, one of my least favourite plays of Shakespeare. Why do I quote Shakespeare so often? Because the bard wrote about things that are timeless.

Well, I am not here to discuss him but this thought came to me last night. I had misplaced my reading glasses and I asked my son to look them for me. He said, ‘you need glasses to find your glasses ma’. The answer shocked me. Thirty years ago when my mother started wearing her glasses and losing tem as I do now, this was my statement to her.

How life has come full circle. I find that I am doing things that I had never done. To start with I have started wearing pink. I must have been one of the very few girls who did not like pink. So much so that my trousseau had no pink, orange or red. Now I have 8 saris in different shades of pink, including fuchsia.  I wear bright colours now, I wear make up; something I had never done as a young woman.

But I also have a bunch of staunch loyal girlfriends who are there with a shoulder to lean on when I feel like crying, I say what I want, I choose my own dishes at a restaurant and I don’t care what others think of me. Again something I had never done before. One of the perks of aging I believe.

I have wrinkles and fine lines on my face and I have gray hair, I have put on weight and I am not the model thin girl I used to be, my nails are brittle and I need supplements but I also have more carriage and more grace than I ever had before.

I don’t cook if I don’t feel like it and my husband makes tea for me now. I ask for help in the house and I get it. Perks of aging? Definitely

I love being middle aged. This, I think, is a golden period when a woman comes on her own; she sheds all her inhibitions; when she starts thinking about her also besides her family. She realizes that she is a person in her own right and should be treated so. She has a better understanding of people around her and she can deal with them on her terms. When she can be assertive and people don’t take it amiss. In fact, her boldness is respected, she is taken seriously and she can get away with so many things.

So my middle-aged friends, don’t panic, there is life after 45. In fact,  a better, more fulfilling life. Have a blast

So be it!!!

The clothes maketh a man

An old proverb; but do clothes really make a man? Is the person wearing them not important? Their personality, style and their carriage don’t matter? My friend Vanita is in clothing business and so is Nilia. Both have very good clothes, though different styles. I find that I like both their styles. So isn’t that a part of my personality? That I have different moods at different times to wear different styles? So if I am wearing a traditional Indian sari from Nilia at one point and a contemporary one from Vanita, do I become a different person? I am who I am

What will I say, which style defines me? I think both. So it’s the person who chooses the clothes. Not the other way round. Clothes can enhance our looks, yes, but ultimately it is our own personality, which comes through.

There are image consultants these days that teach you good manners, refine your style and shop for you. And I have seen such improvement in people after hiring these specialists. They have better style, better make up and better way of carrying themselves, besides being more self-assured. Others just copy the style of some celebrity. But the core remains the same.

The real change, if any, comes only when you change from inside. When you develop a more tolerant perspective, when you have an open mind and when you become more compassionate. Its only when we make some deep and lasting changes in ourselves, we define ourselves. Then no matter if you are wearing a Kanjivaram or a business suit, YOU come out.

What is that YOU? Discover it

So be it!!!