Grief is the price we pay for love

 Grief is the price we pay for love

Came across this quote while searching about Carl Sagan, the famous astronomer. I don’t know if he said that but the idea intrigued me. Is this true? Does love give us grief? Most people associate the word love with romantic love. If we are reciprocated in our love we are happy, if not we feel depressed, wallow in self pity and sometimes even curse the person who didn’t respond to our love. 

But love is a gift that enriches our life in many ways. Love that our parents give us shapes our personalities, gives us emotional and mental strength to face the world as an adult. We all know how lack of love in childhood can affect an individual. They can be socially awkward, can’t sustain meaningful relationships and sometimes even become criminals. Even perceived lack of love can cause great distress. 

Then there is love with our siblings. They are our best friends even when we fight . They are there when we need them. That bond is very strong even though we might not talk to each other for months.  Then we have our friends. Our love for them is based on mutual trust and sometimes is more powerful than our family. If our friends betray us we feel cheated. 

So does love give us grief? It does when we lose our love, our parents and spouse passing away, our fights with siblings or our heart break. 

I think love gives us more strength than grief. It also gives us meaningful lessons. Do we really learn those lessons is up to us. If we remember grief we don’t move on. If we cherish the love in our heart we can give more love to people around us. 

What do you think? Do share 

May love enrich your life.

So be it !!!

Who am I ?

 Who am I ?

All our scriptures talk about this. Sages have tried to find the answer to this question , philosophers have discussed this and yet the question remains there, who am I ? 

Spiritual gurus explain it in one way, philosophers in another. 

But if we leave the metaphysical side of it, the question still stands. We are so many people rolled into one. Everyone of us is a daughter/son, a parent, a brother or a sister , a sister in law, a brother in law, daughter in law and so on.  Interestingly different people know us differently. Our parents have one perception of us, our siblings , our friends another, our spouses yet another. And all of them are right. Their opinion of us is based on their experience with us. 

How do we see ourselves? How many times we have tried to explore who am I ? What is my core, what is my true personality? Is it just a sum total of how others see me or is there something more in me? Do I define myself just by my relationships or do I meet myself from time to time? How many of us introspect about our weaknesses, our vulnerabilities and our insecurities which affect our behavior towards others in our life. 

I have been a pleaser for most of my life. It gave me pleasure to make others happy, it still does. But as I grew I questioned myself if I was doing it to get validation from others. The answer from within was that it was for validation when I was growing up.  But it helped me in coming to terms with my need  and moving on. If I help others now it’s not for validation but based on my emotional and physical availability. 

Who do you think you are? Do introspect , the answers will surprise you and change your perception about yourself.

So be it !!!

No legacy is as rich as honesty

No legacy is so rich as honesty 

Thus wrote the bard. Honesty is a virtue we are all taught to respect and inculcate in our personalities. Don’t steal what belongs to others, be fair in your transactions is what our parents told us when we were growing up. In business honesty was a big factor, customers trusted the company which was honest. Politicians were and are a different breed though. In personal relationships honesty played a big part. 

What about intellectual honesty? About not misleading others, being forthright in our relationships, not plagiarizing work done by others. We hear so many old tunes copied blatantly. Students copying from the internet and pasting answers as their own. Modern philosophers rehashing the ideas of Pluto or Socrates and giving them some other name. 

To me the biggest problem is intellectual honesty in marriage. How many of us actually own our mistakes and say sorry? Or do we argue and blame our partner and become the victim. All of us have done that at some point or the other in our life. Do we acknowledge our role in escalating a crisis and try to find a solution or do we justify our actions as a reaction to some wrong our significant other did? Here I am not even talking about cheating on your partner. That can be the breaking point. But what about emotional affairs? Because someone lends  their shoulder for you to cry and you fall for that person. 

To me honesty is not just about money, it’s about coming clean of the mistakes we do and sincerely apologizing.

What about you? Do share your thoughts. 

Have a safe and happy day

So be it !!! 

Life begins at the other side of despair

 “ life begins at the other side of despair “

A quote by Jean Paul Sartre. He said it more than 50 years ago and how relevant it is even today. Each one of us has had the experience of extreme despair when we lost our hope, our motivation and sometimes even will to live. It might have been financial crisis, a heart break , death of a loved one, a denied promotion or something else but felt our life has come to an end. 

Then out of nowhere we heard some one talking about turning our life around, read a poem or an article which resonated with hope, found a guru or the teeny weeny voice within us squealed and gave us the push to carry on. Isn’t it? I have been through a bad patch in my life when no one knew my despair but I was breaking inside. 

But the human spirit is indomitable and it bounces back after every setback. I am reminded of the king Nahush who being a human was promoted to be the king of heaven and was misled by devtas. They couldn’t tolerate a human to rule over them and so spoiled him with wine and women. One day he insulted the seven sages and they cursed him to become a serpent. When he was being thrown out from heaven, he said I am a human and I shall rise again and conquer. 

Only we the humans have the ability to rise like a phoenix and rebuild our life. And every crisis makes us stronger and wiser. Ayn Rand wrote ‘We The people ‘on human spirit. 

How many times you have had to face extreme pain and how did you handle it? Has it made you a stronger person? I bet it has. Do share.

Let’s celebrate the human spirit. 

So be it !!!

Are you awake?

 Are you awake?

Ofcourse you would say, I am reading your blog. True. We wake up every morning and follow our routine. That routine gives us the flow, a rhythm. What about the weekends? Again cleaning , laundry, prepping for the week ahead and socializing. 

But are we really awake? Do we notice the changes around us? Most of you would answer in affirmative. You notice the changes around us in weather, many of us post pictures of leaves change colours in fall. We talk about preparing for the coming winter and share recipes  of different types to keep ourselves warm and healthy in changing weather. 

How many of us are awake inside? How many of us notice the negativity that just creeps in when someone hurts us, makes us angry or gossips about someone we know. The stress of the job, a nagging manager in the workplace. How all that negative energy starts affecting our mental and physical health. 

Many of us resort to anti depressants, join therapy groups, try to practice mindfulness and meditation. All these things help us for a short while. Soon, however, we fall victim to the negativity again. It starts affecting our relationships . 

I found a method which is both easy and difficult in practice. Anytime a negative thought comes in your mind, acknowledge it, dwell on it for a while like an outsider and see if you can find the root cause. Sometimes our own insecurities make us look at things we normally wouldn’t. Even if that’s not the case, we feel upset, our blood pressure rises and adrenaline kicks up to balance it. But if that’s happens too often, the system fails and we have breakdowns. Don’t let that happen. First take a deep breath and bless the person who made you angry. For your own mental health. Believe me it works. A little practice is required though. Second, once you have acknowledged the negative thought, just say thank you for coming , please leave now. This is the difficult part. We get so involved in the negativity and wallow in self pity that we want to replay it in our mind. Just say NO. 

It’s not avoiding or denying the thought, rather looking at it objectively and taking appropriate action. No toxic person is important enough to disrupt your life. They need help so just bless them and throw out the negativity. It does work but it needs determination. 

Just try it for a day and share how you felt. You will be a happier person. 

So be it !!!

Are you political?

 Are you political? 

Most of you will say no probably. It is quite a trend these days to show ourselves to be non political. The reasons given are we respect all sects, religions, caste and race and we are liberal. Politics is a dirty game and all politicians are corrupt. They just think of their vote bank and try to divide people for their political gain. 

Is that really the case? Or are we scared of the trolling we are going to get if we express our political views on social media? Or we don’t want to be seen aligned with one party or ideology? Or we want to avoid conflict? But you do vote and when you do so, why do you choose a certain party and not the other? Reasons can be plenty but you do make a choice based on either the promises they make or their ideology resonates with you. 

Then why are we ashamed of acknowledging it in public? Why do we have to be politically correct? In a multicultural society like canada we all come from different countries and backgrounds and make friends with each other. We celebrate all festivals but does that take away our heritage or our legacy? Does it mean that we negate our ethos which give us the strength to make our life successful in a foreign land? 

Not at all. We are who we are because of our upbringing in our culture. Even when we come here we vote for the party which is closer to our ideology. Then why do we shy away from declaring it? Because we don’t want to hurt anyone? That doesn’t stand to logic. 

How political are you  and do you say it aloud? Do share. 

Stay safe and happy. 

So be it !!!

Shirin Yoku

 Shirin Yoku is Japanese way of taking a mindful walk in nature. The word Shirin means forest and Yoku means bathing. It’s actually a process of therapeutic exercise in spending time in forest. It took off  in 1980s to get away from the stress of city life and spend time in nature and  experience the smell, sounds and texture of trees, streams and pathways. It reduces anxiety, lowers blood pressure and boosts immunity. One takes a slow walk or just be there in nature enjoying its beauty, not just a stroll. 

Modern life brings with it work pressure, and sometimes it starts affecting not just our health but our productivity too. Shirin Yoku helps us in getting a new perspective about life. All ancient civilizations were in harmony with nature. Remember human beings started as hunter gatherers in forests? So our connection with nature is deep rooted. Have you ever been inside a forest or a large park and wondered about the vastness and variety of  sounds and smells? Even a walk on a trail near you refreshes you. I am very fortunate to have a trail at a minutes walk from my house. It has a creek and a lake and believe me there are patches where one doesn’t feel we are in a city. We go and sit near the lake and just being there calms me. It’s like meditation. 

People pay large sums of money to go to a resort near a sea to relax. For me a contemplative walk in nature is therapeutic. Sun shining through trees, the gentle melody of a stream nearby and the sounds of birds take away all the stress. One should not hurry but just be with nature and you will find it relaxes you in ways you never thought possible. Even if it’s not possible to do this everyday, weekends can be fun with relaxing in nature. Mind you that a day out on the beach with hundreds of people is not Shirin Yoku which is actually forest bathing.

So you think it’s for you? Try it. Just be there in nature a few times and see how it relaxes you. 

So be it !!!