Let's play a game

The Toronto Star had an article today about the importance of playing games with your family. A study was reported which said that children who play with their parents and siblings are mentally healthier.

 Give me a break guys!!! Now we have to know these things through studies. I grew up playing with house house with my sister where she taught me how to knead dough, how to make roti from that dough. My father played Ludo and snakes and ladder with us and taught me not to cry when I came down a snake after reaching 97 on the ladder. He bought me a ‘Mechano’ and taught me to fix things. My stays during summer vacation to my Nani’s house got me into books because she ran a school and every year new books came for the school library.

I am sure he had no clue that he was making mentally healthy but I picked up valuable life skills, which have come in handy when I had to fix a fuse or repair a leaking tap. My sister gave me the early interest in cooking which later became my therapy for stress.

It doesn’t take a psychology study to know all this. But to the breaking social structure and lack of joint families is making u8s lonely and our children don’t pick up life skills. Parents are busy making careers, work long hours and come home so tired, they have no energy to even have sex, let alone play with their children. So they buy laptops, I- pads and computers for the kids and think they are doing the best. Well, they are, in a way but kids are not playing anymore. They are either on their tablets or video games.

We enroll our children in expensive music lessons, hockey classes, and martial arts and think that our children are getting physical exercise. But ask a kid about his favourite time and they will say the time spent with their parents. That is, of course till they become teenagers. Then they are ashamed to be even seen with you. But that’s beside the point. Kids create happy memories when they are playing with their parents. Not only that they are getting life lessons how to be a food parent once they grow up.

The more time you spend with your kids when they are young, the more mature, stable people they will become as adults. Even when they are teenagers, don’t stop communicating. We think they are not listening, but they do and when the time comes, they apply the advice they so grudgingly listen. But first, we have to make them a part of a happy family. Only then they will listen.

Happy parenting

Root yourself

As I was talking to my sister on the phone today, our talks took us back to our parents’ house. The house where our father would fasten a rope swing for us, the lane we used to play in, our verandah we used as a stage for our plays which were produced and directed by yours truly. Ah, the nostalgia hit me.

Old age? You might say that but I think going back to our roots is important, as we grow old. It keeps us on earth. Once we grow up and make careers, we touch new milestones in our life. Those of us who come from middle class and make it big feel happy that we have achieved so much.

In this modern world, we lead frantic, hectic lives. We get caught in the hustle bustle of life that we lose sight of where we thought we were going and what we thought we were going to do. Visiting old memories reminds us of our dreams and aspirations, our hopes and our fears. It is a reality check.

Once we achieve great heights in our career and have amassed great wealth, some of us get into denial about where we started from. Some of us are ashamed to have started from a low background. But you know what that gives us  a greater insecurity. There are too many plugs to be filled. But once we acknowledge our background no matter how humble that is, we can truly enjoy our new status in life.  Another advantage, that is, it never lets the success go to our head. We remain rooted.

My parents were middle-class people who worked hard to send us to the best schools in Delhi and made sure we get everything that they might not have got. My father had to leave all his wealth and home in Pakistan during partition and he had to start from scratch. So he made sure that his children did not have to feel lacking. And, in fact that has always kept me on ground.

I may set a perfect table today with salad and eating fork at their proper place, a dessert spoon on the top and soup spoon on the right but all this came because our parents made sure we could learn all this. And I can never forget that. So I played hopscotch with my friends in the lane but I also learned to eat an omelette with fork and knife.

Though give me my daal chawal to eat with my hands. Add a little pickle.That is my root and I am proud of it.

Are you?

The dinner was served

I wrote a poem yesterday on a napkin and I wanted to fair it in my poetry notebook. So I went up but couldn’t find it.  I thought I had kept it in the place I always keep it, that is, my computer shelf. I searched the adjoining bookshelf but no, it wasn’t there. I then searched the side table by my bed because sometimes I get up in the middle of the night with a poem in my head and immediately write it down lest I forget it.

I asked my husband if he had seen it. No, he said. Oh, my god, the panic hit me now. Almost 100 poems lost!!! I had already lost about 60 poems when we migrated to Canada and my notebook was lost in the process, thanks to my hubby dearest. In fact, to assuage his guilt, he presented me with this green leather-bound notebook so I could start writing again. He was also feeling bad for me.

I searched every closet, every shelf even my purses. Searched the spare bedroom in the basement, even laundry room. Took out all the religious books from the pooja shelf. Nothing.

I was crying now, no actually howling. A part of me lost? Gone? I decided to never write again. I was inconsolable. I sent a message on my Whatsapp group if I had left it at somebody’s place. No reply.

I prayed, I read Tao book to calm myself. It was getting to dinner time but I had no appetite. I could not even think of food. So, my husband starting to panic now.  So he started searching along with me. I was too distraught to notice that then.

After about an hour and a half, I suddenly had an epiphany. I just got up, went and opened my drawer of my hutch where I keep all my napkins and table mats and there it was, its green corner peeping from under a pristine white napkin. I must have kept it accidentally after a recent party where I recited a few poems from it.

So, next time you can't find something, try to look in the place you least expect it to be.

By the way, the dinner was finally served.

Ha, Ha ,Ha

Enlighten me

Somebody asked me a question today on Quora.com about enlightenment. The question was how do I know if I am enlightened?

My first reaction was, though I didn’t write it, that you wouldn’t be asking this question if you were. Ha, ha, ha. But then it got me thinking. What if one was enlightened?

I have been fortunate to meet some enlightened people and one thing is common. They are always smiling. Well, actors are always smiling, you will say. Especially in public. Politicians are always smiling in public. The less said about the politicians, the better. Actors are just playing a part off screen.

But the enlightened people wear their smile like clothes. They are never without it. It is because they are always happy. They don’t get angry. They can chide somebody if need be but it doesn’t rumple their inner tranquility. They are never in a hurry and they don’t rattle off just like that. They take their time to answer but the words, when they come out, are so soothing to the soul.  Somebody can master that, you will say. Yes but the inner peace that guides all their actions comes only when one is truly enlightened.

You truly see yourself as one with the universe. You see the same energy in everyone around you and caste, religion and race become immaterial to you. Because you are one with that eternal light.

I don’t know if I ever will be enlightened but one thing is for sure. Just being aware of what it means has made a difference in my life. I wish the same for you.

So be it!!!

Be your own super model

Attended a pool party at my friend’s house this weekend. As I was packing my swimsuit to take along, I was a little hesitant. I have put on weight and thought for a moment, shall I take a t-shirt and shorts instead?  I should not look fat in the pool. At that moment my supermodel inside me whispered, don’t be silly. You still look good  and now pack that swimsuit.

Yes, we all have that supermodel within us. Not the anorexic, scantily clad, living on vitamins and protein shakes type but realizing our strengths and weaknesses, boosting us, helping us laugh when everything seems to be going wrong types. That Diva is there with us. We just stop listening to her sometimes.

She is the one who keeps us going when we are tired after a hard day, when we want to soak in the bathtub and can't because we have to cook for the next day, when we want to watch a movie but instead do laundry and when we want to curl up to read a good book but have our kid’s homework to deal with. That diva makes us the hockey mom; deal with stress at work, finish chores at home and look like a million dollars at the party we attend.

She is often ignored but doesn’t complain. Because she knows there is no replacement for her. She is our strength and we always revert back to her for courage, hope, and motivation. She is there with compassion, comfort and empathy when a friend falls ill or goes through a life crisis and we rally around that friend. She can be sometimes naughty and make us do crazy things but at the end of the day, she is our refuge, our lullaby who puts us to sleep and makes sure we face another grueling day with a smile on our face and a twinkle in our eyes and devil may care attitude to walk the ramp of your life.

She makes you stay friends with her, talk to her every day and she will make sure that you stay happy amongst all that chaos.

So be it!!!

I wish I had done that

Ha ha ha. What a recurring phenomenon in our lives. We do it I think, on a daily basis. Especially once we cross 40. There are regrets about what we didn’t do, what we did, our studies, our career choices and very often our choice about our spouse.

There are, in my mind, three types of ‘I Wish’. One is when we genuinely realize that we did not take advantage of an opportunity that was before us. Second, when somebody we know goes ahead and does something, which we have been thinking about. Then we say I wish I had done that. Third, and the most dangerous type is when others achieve something and you say I wish I had better luck, and then I could have done that. You blame your luck, your family and in general, others.

Which category do you fall under? Most of us, at one point of time or the other fall under the first type. We realize our mistakes and wish we could have done otherwise. Most of us fall under the second type. But here again, there is a difference. One is that you say I wish I’d done that but it spurs you on. It motivates you. So you take risks that you have been avoiding and you make some tough choices about following your dreams. Second, you feel envious. Now is the time to beware. If you let this dominate your thought process, it will lead you to type three.

That is the most comfortable place to be. I have not been able to achieve much because I didn’t have the luck or the opportunities the other person had. Then you can soak in your self-pity and bask in your self-denial. Then blame your miserable existence on others.

Obviously, if you have not achieved certain heights, it's not going to happen overnight now. But one can always make a small beginning. Whatever you field may be, there is always a second chance if you now recognize and not let go. Tell yourself that this time you will take the risk you didn’t take earlier or  change course or start something new.

But one thing is sure. I wish is not going to get you anywhere. Your action is. Let others say I wish I had done that after seeing you.

So be it!!!

poornimalifeblog@blogspot.com

Write your obituary

What a ridiculous thing to say!!! I bet you thought that. I am very much alive and kicking, I have so much to do, my children are young and so on. But I am serious!

Imagine yourself dead and visualize people at your funeral. As each one of them come, they say something about you to your immediate family members. What do they say?

Of course, we don’t say bad things about a dead person. But what do they actually say? When your spouse or your kids stand there to speak, how will they describe you?  How many lives you were able to touch. How many times you put a smile on someone’s face, how many times you went out of your way to help somebody without expecting anything in return?

Remember that episode of the sitcom Frasier, where he is assumed to be dead and then he writes his own obituary. Actually, what I am asking you to do is an exercise in self-actualization. Write what you want to achieve as if you have actually achieved it. You are over 50 and you regret not having learnt classical music? Write that you started late in classical music and excelled in it. Whatever you want.

Then go over it and ask your self these questions.

If I die today, will I die happy? If not, what is lacking?

Have I fulfilled my goals and ambitions?

Have I grown as a person?

Have I set a good example for my children?

Have I been a supporting spouse and a loyal friend?

The answers will tell you what you have to do. You are not dead as yet so what is stopping you from doing things you wrote in your obituary? It’s too late? It’s never too late. You have but one life so why not fulfill your dreams.

Go out and take the risks you never did, develop the hobby that you have been putting at the back burner, learn that language you have been wanting to learn for years, take to public speaking that you always wanted, anything. Take that tour you and your spouse have been postponing for years.

Sit down with your family and ask them how they feel about you. Have a heart to heart chat with your spouse. Appreciate them for being there in your life. Say sorry for all the wrongs you have done. Strengthen your relationship. Forgive people for your own peace of mind. Move on, walk away from all negativity.

Have a blast. You owe it to yourself.

So be it!!!