Listen to many, speak to a few

It is so uncanny how Shakespeare could say so much in just one sentence. But then that is why he became what he is even today. But if you really think about it, how many of us actually do that? We all love to hear our own voice. We think we are listening to the other person but actually, more than ninety percent of times, we are thinking of the retort to him or her.

So we hear, not listen. There is a difference. Listening is when you actually grasp the full meaning of what the other person is saying, confirm it and analyze it. Then if there is a useful answer, you offer it or you keep quiet.

The art of conversation is difficult. If you really want to have meaningful and lasting relationships, practice the art of listening. If you find your mind wandering to finding the retort, pause and ask the person is this what you are saying. You will achieve two things. One you have confirmed what they are trying to say so you have a better understanding. Two and more importantly, the other person feels nice that you have been actually listening to them.

Don’t you think they will appreciate that? Of course they will. More than 70 percent of divorces will stop if only the couple start listening to each other. It does not come naturally. You have to practice being a good listener. And we keep falling into the trap of just hearing. So take more time in replying.

On the lighter side, imagine how much information you will gather in a party if you just listen and speak little. If you are a gossip, well, in that case it won’t work because you will be doing the most talking. Ha ha ha. No seriously, try listening next time you are in a conversation. It will do wonders for you.

So be it!!!

‘For you and I are past our dancing days’

What are the dancing days? When you are a teenager and have those sessions with your friends? Or when you land your first job and your evenings are spent in the company of your beloved, dreaming about your future? Or when you are dancing to maintain a balance between your work life and your children and spouse?

I would say the dancing days are when you hit your fifties. Really. Believe me. Your children are grown up, have left the home nest and you are at a comfortable stage of your career and you have more time. Interestingly, though, most divorces occur at this stage. Because suddenly you find that face sitting in front of you at the breakfast table is a total stranger.

So dancing will solve the problem? Yes, no don’t laugh. This is the time to reconnect with each other. Women, if you find you have nothing to say to your husband after all those years of discussing kids school and their report cards, don’t panic. Enroll in a dance class with him. He is not interested? Just take him there and you will see the difference.

Why am I on dancing today? It is the best form of exercise, its pleasant and you come closer to each other. That magic that is created when you are dancing cheek to cheek, brings back the nostalgia of being newly married and you strengthen your bond. The Cha Cha Cha or Salsa is not just for your feet. It is for your heart.

So go ahead, enjoy your dancing days. They are not over.

So be it !!!

Action is eloquence

So said Shakespeare in Coriolanus. I was down with fever and a very bad chest infection for one week and therefore, could not write this blog. Well, the fever came down a little day before yesterday and I was feeling much better yesterday, but inertia took over. When I got up in the morning, I had fever again but I remembered this quote ands thought, ' I have to write today.'

Don't we let small things make us stop doing things we don't want to do or even when we do want to do, the smallest excuse becomes big enough to procrastinate. I often feel this and then I get angry with myself. All the motivational gurus and teachers tell us the antidote is to take action. Some of them even tell you how to do that. But even then most of us listen to these lectures or read and then get geared up for a few days and then fall again into the trap of inertia. 

What I have found useful is that I come and sit on my computer after breakfast and one my blog site. I just think of a quote, sometimes even search for a good one and then just start writing. I am surprised at the flow of thoughts that come gushing through. Just sit and start writing. For my poetry though, it is a different ball game. That comes to me usually at night. Some times I get up with a verse in my mind and then go to my study and finish the poem. 

But yes, action is the language to fulfill our dreams and the sooner we speak it, the more beautiful our life becomes. Whether it’s talking action to improve a relationship or finishing a long forgotten project, ACT....

So be it!!!!

No legacy is so rich as honesty

The other day my son and I were having a conversation and he said mom you are invite trouble because you don't keep a balance in a relationship. You give too much and then feel bad when the other person doesn't respond. He was being blunt yes but honest. I felt bad a little to begin with but I felt good because he had the honesty to say that on my face.

Honesty is what, to me, is important in any relationship.I know many of you are going to tell me that one has to be diplomatic and so on but I still say honesty is what one should have and pass it on. That is the legacy we should leave when we go from this world. Does that mean we have to be blunt all the time? No. But as I learned from experience, we can be honest and , at the same time, be polite.

No we don't have to resort to sarcasm as many people do. But being honest gives one peace. No matter how many lies we tell, how manipulative we are and how much deceit we do, there is always that small, teeny weenie voice in our mind that tells us 'this is not right.'

I always say that at the end of the day, when I switch off my light, I should be able to say that I did my best. That you can say only if you have been honest. Honest in not just taking someone's money or returning a wallet that we found but intellectual honesty. Being straight in a relationship, of not taking advantage of someone vulnerable, of not manipulating others to gain.

We all are frail because we are human beings but we only have the capacity of being the ultimate on this earth. And the more honest we are, the more people will respect you. The road of truth is long and arduous but it ultimately takes you to a wonderful, peaceful and delightful place. So be honest and leave that legacy for the posterior.

So be it!!!

Love all, trust few, do wrong to no one

So said the bard. Chanakya says the same thing. Till recently I used to disagree with the statement thinking why I should not trust everyone. But if life has taught me something, it is that not every one is worthy of your trust. Only when they have proved their loyalty and sincererity to you should they be trusted.

Have I become a cynic? No, on the other hand I see good in everyone I meet and I always say that only 10 percent of people are actually evil and so we should not our perspective be guided by that minuscule percentage. But yes there are very few people who would keep your secrets and take them to their grave so to say. Plus keeping someone's secret is a big toll on your mind and not every one has the capacity for that.

Sometime we trust someone and they betray our trust. So you have a valuable lesson there. Don't ever trust them again. But the damage they have caused you will ask. To that I say, people who know you, know who you are and people who don't know you and believe what anyone says about you are not worth making friends.

But then we have to be careful here. We have to use our decoration to love them still but keep them at arm's length and not do any wrong in return. In other words take the high road. Time is a big player and you will be surprised how it comes full circle. Patience is required and that  comes from knowing that you have done no wrong.

 So choose your confidant carefully,  love everyone and do no wrong

So be it!!!

Someday people will visit ideas instead of places

Wondering why such a long title? Actually it is from a book called ‘My ancestor was an ancient astronaut’ by Toba Beta, an Indonesian economist turned writer. The title started a chain of thought in my mind. I thought this is exactly what we should do. Visit ideas; ideas which could change our life, change our thinking and may be bring a change in the world. All great things start with an idea.

Or don’t.  Go blank. Be thoughtless. Empty your mind of everything. Just ‘BE’. Actually this thoughtlessness is the birthplace of all ideas. Do I sound confused? I am not. Only when you have emptied your mind of all negative thoughts, cleansed your mind of all tumultuous ideas, can you be creative. That is when you actually visit ideas. That moment is most creative. That is what meditation is.

I am not talking about to nothingness or some kind of nihilism. Emptiness refers to the fact that ultimately, our day-to-day experiences and perception of reality is wrong, and reality is actually 'empty' of many qualities that we normally assign to it. We perceive our reality according to our experiences. That is where all troubles start. But when we meditate, we relieve our mind of these subjective perceptions and that beings clarity in our mind. Then we see things as they are. As Albert Einstein said, “A human being is part of a whole, called by us the 'universe', a part limited in time and space.

He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings, as something separate from the rest - a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affectation for a few people near us”.

But why am I being so philosophical? Just visited Pittsburgh and went to see some temples. Sitting in of the temples I had this epiphany. I realized that when you seek to discover the outside world, you become stressed. But when you seek to discover yourself, you become calm and that clam gives you the creative ideas. As Dalai Lama says,

"...I believe all suffering is caused by ignorance. People inflict pain on others in the selfish pursuit of their happiness or satisfaction. Yet true happiness comes from a sense of peace and contentment, which in turn must be achieved through the cultivation of altruism, of love and compassion, and elimination of ignorance, selfishness, and greed..."I feel this love, compassion, altruism comes only after you meditate an d clear your mind of all subjective ideas.

So take out a little time to ‘BE’. Empty your mind of all ideas in order to visit ideas.

So be it!!!

This above all, to thine own self be true

I was reflecting a lot yesterday, in fact I have been thinking and reflecting quite a bit in the past few months. I am now, as they say, free of all responsibilities. Both my sons are now married so I dint have to worry about their meals, laundry etc. So I thought, well I can do things that I REALLY want to do.

It so happens that many of my friends are in the same situation. Some are happy, they have their outlets, others however are a little lost. What happens is women of our generation lived their lives for others. They live to please others. In a family, it is good to an extent but to forget your own personality becomes a problem. If you are living to please someone else, trying to show that you are 'alright, you will probably have the nagging feeling of never quite 'getting there' as if something is amiss. Why?

Its because one can not get the same passion for doing things which others like. You do it out of fear of ridicule or rejection or out of a sense of duty, naturally you can't be passionate about it. Plus in the long run, you will lose your self respect and what is even worse is they will never be pleased. And if they are, you will still not be happy.

It happens with many middle aged ladies and they go into depression. Or they become cantankerous, meddling moms in law. Don't fall into the trap. Live your own life. Even if you lived for others earlier, live for yourself. Sit down and think what ignites your imagination and creativity. Join a course in that area. But do something.

May your life be your own

So be it!!!

Be not afraid of greatness

Just saw The Twelfth Night. The beauty of Shakespeare is that he says truths of life in a simple way.
This dialogue stayed with me as I came home. How often we are about to achieve something and we sabotage our own success. No you say?  Well you will be surprised how often we stop ourselves from taking a big leap by thinking oh, what about job stability, I have responsibilities and so on?

So should we not consider that? yes but what is most important? Believe in yourself. Unless we believe in ourselves, how will others believe us? Be not afraid of greatness. I sound like a motivational guru? May be but the truth his many of housewives or home makers as we are called now have so much talent which goes unrecognized and unappreciated. If we just had the courage to take that first step. Even if you start small.

When my children were small, I decided to be at home but I kept writing articles on a free lance basis. In fact due to these articles, a major hindi newspaper from UP gave me a column to write. But then I was offered editorship of a leading magazine and I turned it down thinking my boys are young and I won't be able to devote time to them. The fact was only five days in a month would have been long when the deadline approached. But I missed my bus.

As Shakespeare says elsewhere" some are born great, on some greatness is bestowed" Whatever be the case be not afraid of success. Embrace it

So be it!!!!