‘May the truth protect me in all ways’ Rig-Veda

One of the basic tenets of Indian constitution is ‘Ultimately the truth prevails’, namely Satyamev Jayate. The truth does protect us but I think its ways can be, sometimes a bit wonky.

I remember when I was young, I told a lie to avoid being scolded. My mother, of course, caught my lie. She did not shout. She simply told me, if you speak the truth, you would always remember what you said. But if you tell a lie, you will forget what you said at what time and then you will be caught. Come on, what a practical way of encouraging telling the truth at all times.

I cannot say that I never lie. That would be a lie. But I avoid telling it unless the need is dire. Sometimes, it is better to lie or at least twist the truth a bit in order to save a relationship. When you are consoling a friend who has been dumped by her boyfriend, you say,’ he was a jerk’. You know he was not and you know that your friend is also to be blamed but at that moment, you don’t tell her the truth. Situations like these are common.

But the truth ultimately does prevail. I have seen it in my own life not once or twice but many times over. And if we stick to the truth, it protects us always. One gets a reputation of being truthful so people trust us. They take our word seriously. They come to you if they are in a dilemma. They ask your opinion about everything. They make you a role model and want to follow you or at least want their children to follow. So if we were able to make a difference in just one person’s life, we would have achieved something in our life.

Just do this for a day. Spend the whole day without telling a lie. Then at the end of the day, reflect how do you feel. I bet you will be happy.

So be it!!!

Ode to my friends

Just saw a video about people who lived beyond seventies and eighties. They were studied over a period of time and the results are amazing but not surprising. The usual markers for a long life, i.e. good health, exercise, eating healthy are were all there at the bottom of the graph.

Guess which were the two top markers that helped these people live a long and healthy life? Close relationships and social settings. Your family, people who you can approach in times of need, people who would take you to hospital in case of an emergency. Your children and grand children.

Then your social network. How many people do you call everyday. How many people you meet everyday or in a week? How many times you go out with your friends? These were the factors that contributed most in prolonging your life.

It is so sad to see so many seniors living a life of isolation. They don’t have visitors and they quietly wither away. Watch any granny with her grand children. You will find a youthful face, twinkling g eyes and a huge grin on her face. See a bunch of middle-aged ladies in a bar or restaurant giggling away like schoolgirls. That is what keeps you happy and help in your long life. You may criticize the ‘Kitty Party’ culture but those ladies there enjoy themselves and come back recharged. We have become so busy in our race for prosperity that we have forgotten the true happiness in the time we spend with our friends. 

There is an adage, ‘it takes a village to bring up a child.’ That is so true. The bonds that you form in these relationships are your lifelines. People like us, immigrants, leave our families and set of friends back home. When we come here, we feel so depressed because we don’t know a soul. Then, slowly we form friendships and they give us the strength to face the struggle in a new country. These friends become your family.

So remember these markers and remain in touch with your friends and family back home. My husband and one of his friends have been friends for the last forty years and he still keeps in touch. It is a blessing I would say. Thanks to Facebook, I found my school friends and it was like getting a lottery.

Needless to say, I have a wonderful set of friends who have been my strength in my times of need and I am grateful for that. I go out with my girl friends at least once a month and have friends over. I know I am repeating myself but I had to share these markers with you.

Happy friendship!!!

So be it!!!

“ There is often less danger in things we fear than the things we desire”- Lupin

Long ago, someone told me what you are asking for may not be good for you that is why you don’t get it. I was a teenager and just could not agree. I am entitled to everything I want, I thought. Typical teen behaviour.

As I grew, I realized the potentiality of that statement. Our desires, can, sometimes lead us to dangerous things. Starting from drugs to defrauding people because we want to make quick buck have tragic endings. What we desire may cause us more harm than we envisage because they may give us fleeting joy but can lead us to an abysmal pit of depression and fatal diseases. Duryodhan wanted to be the king at any cost and where did he end up? He did not fear the righteous path and it led to his humility and ultimately his death. King Yayati wanted eternal youth. After living for two hundred years, he realized how wrong he was. Voldemort wanted to be immortal. He ended up killing himself.

Our elders always said beware of what you wish. It may come true. This is exactly what they meant. I want to be a millionaire at any cost so I shall compromise my integrity, my honesty and lose my self-esteem in the long run but I have to make that money. So where does it lead to?

On the other hand what we fear deters us from taking that path of convenience. Whether it is our family, friends or our spouse, we don’t do so many things just thinking what will they say? That keeps us from taking a deviating step. It keeps our conscience alive, our mind focused on what is important to us in the ultimate analysis.

Even when you are in deep depression, your choice of right and wrong may guide you. That inner voice is always there if you care to listen. A mother of young children may feel overwhelmed and may want to run away wishing a carefree life but she doesn’t because she knows she cannot abandon her children. She knows what she desires is more dangerous than her reality.

Life has many crossroads and we have to make choices all the times. What we fear can nudge us in the right direction and what we want can lead us to unending miseries. How we end up depends on what we choose

So be it!!!

‘Only in the darkness you can see the stars’ - Dumbledore

Isn’t is? When the sun is shining or when the lights are on, we don’t even notice the stars. Similarly when our life is going well, we do not care about small things but when life is tough, we notice other things. Also, the darkness makes us realize that stars are there and they will shine. It gives us hope.

It is easy to feel despondent when the going gets tough. We are all human beings and we get depressed when our plans go awry. But it is in these times we realize our strength. More often than not, these are the times when we come to know who our true friends are. People who stand by us in our times of despair are our stars. We see them only when the fair weather friends have left us in our time of need.

Dark times are a great life teacher. I have learned more about myself in my tough time than any other. One realizes one’s mistakes and can learn not to repeat those. We also realize there is some divine power which looks after us. In the beginning though, we blame that divine power but as we start inner conversation, we realize that there must be some good in it.

But this is also a time of caution. This is the time to take stock of your situation and make realistic plans. This is also the time to rally your loved ones and show your gratitude to them for being there. This also the times to not get embroiled in grandiose schemes and dissipate your energy.

Human beings are a very resilient species. We stumble, we fall and we rise again. How we do it is a serious matter. Do we see the stars and take our direction or do we still fail to see the stars?

The choice is yours.

So be it!!!

Talk please

Read an article today in The Toronto star about talk therapy for fighting depression. It also talked about seeing feel good movies. The article set me thinking. I heard the term post partum depression after coming to Canada. Though I had studied psychology but had not studied this phenomenon. Then I read about SAD- Seasonal Affective Disorder.

The culture I grew in, we had no time for depression. We would play in streets, and would get our clothes all dirty with dust and sweat. We would be so tired by the end of the day what with finishing loads of homework and then play, we would hit bed and fall asleep. Today I hear psychologists saying, there is too much workload on kids and this is affecting their mental health. As far as I know my generation had the best mental health. We talked with our friends instead of being on the phone, visited each other instead of texting and generally had a good times in spite of many of us not even having television.

A lady with a newborn child had so much support system with so many family members to take care of the child. Plus there were at least two functions for the new baby with so much of festivity that she had no time to get depressed.

The SAD I understand because it not possible here to sit outside in winter and eat oranges or shell peanuts. But we can always take up some activity. There are community programs available. One can join so many meet up groups. People feel isolated here because they have isolated themselves from each other. In the west, expressing emotions is considered rude and odd. In South Asia we shout when we feel angry, we laugh with gusto when happy and we gossip for hours and then end the session with what is it to us.

There you go. You have purged yourself of all the negative energy and you are ready for a fresh start. Now don’t think I am simplifying matters. We do have our share of issues. But the main thing is to talk and let out the steam. Have a support group where you can unwind. I am lucky to have such a set of friends. I feel rejuvenated after meeting them. But that comes with you actually taking steps to connect with people and nurture the relationship. For that some times you have to compromise your own needs for others and you have to think of others too.

Take the first step today and call a friend right now and meet them for a coffee. You will come back buoyant.

So be it!!!