Are you saying no?

 Are you saying no?

What a hackneyed subject !!! Of course we have all heard about saying no to set boundaries to avoid stress. We have all read how committing ourselves to everyone can land us in more trouble than saying no to some. We have been told that we can manage our time better and achieve more if we don’t say yes to everything that is thrown at us. Also how people are going to get upset initially when you say no. 

Still I am asking this question. It is because knowing all this didn’t help me. It takes actual courage to say no, specially to your loved ones. The prerequisite is that you realize it first. We get so used to trying to please everyone that we don’t realize that there is ME also and that ME has a value. Unless we put a value to ourselves others will not. We, women fail to do that most of the time. 

We try to balance work and home otherwise we are guilt ridden. Our grandmothers stayed home so they could manage chores effectively. But with women working , it becomes difficult to meet office deadlines, meeting clients and then coming home to start all over again. Then there are family and social engagements. Yes we can do prep work on weekends and all. 

It took me a long time to say no and even now I can’t say it as often as I would like to. There is another thing I realized that being available all the time doesn’t increase our worth for others. Rather it works otherwise. Am I trying to be snobbish by asking you to say no next time your friends ask you to come over or go for an outing? Certainly not. Time spent with friends recharges our energy but boundaries have still to be established. Draw a line to which you can accommodate others. We all know someone who tries to be nice to everyone, tries to go to every party just because they can’t say no. They try hard to please everyone and end up annoying more than they realize. 

Oh but I can’t say no because I am networking. Even there it doesn’t work. It’s better to go to one party and have meaningful conversation with few people and establish real networking than flying from person to person and collecting cards. 

The choice is always ours. Whether we want to be known as someone who commits and can’t always fulfill or to commit only to few but is able to deliver what was promised. 

What will you choose? Do share.

May your choice help you.

So be it !!!