KINTSUGI

 KINTSUGI

Rohini Sharma, a reader,  asked me to write about KINTSUGI since I covered two Japanese terms UKETAMO and ARIGATO. 

KINTSUGI is a Japanese art of mending pottery and ceramics with a mixture of lacquer and powdered  gold, silver or platinum. Repeated application brings out the imperfection rather than hiding it, thus making imperfections into an art. KINTSUGI  is a part of Japanese philosophy WABI SABI which tells us to find beauty in imperfection. 

How broken pieces are valuable to us? How is it important in our life ? KINTSUGI teaches us that challenges can be turned into opportunities by repeatedly applying the mixture of resilience and hardwork. KINTSUGI is a tedious and painstaking process but it produces beautiful results. We can embrace our faults with grace so that we can repair them. 

Flaws and imperfections are part of human beings, we are not perfect. We all have our scars from our past experiences and they shape our personality. In our relationships we expect perfection, which is not possible as both parties come with their flaws. The beauty lies in accepting the person with all their flaws and apply the mixture of compassion and empathy. Again and again, bringing out the beauty in imperfection rather than cringing. 

I am quick but quite careless, my husband is not so quick but very methodical. In the beginning we used to have conflict but we both accepted each other’s flaws . He makes sure that I have my phone with me whenever we go out and I dish out a meal from scratch in twenty minutes when he is hungry and there is no time. Beauty in imperfection. 

In fact I think that KINTSUGI and UKETAMO are interrelated. You accept without arguing and then repair. It requires patience which most of us lack but KINTSUGI can help us there.

Where have you applied KINTSUGI in your life? How long did it take you to smoothen out imperfections and turning them into something beautiful? Do share your experience.

ARIGATO.

So be it !!!

ARIGATO

 

• ARIGATO

my blog yesterday elicited very interesting responses. Everyone had a different perspective but there was a common thread. Everyone appreciated the concept of UKETAMO, meaning I accept.

There is another Japanese word that can help us, ARIGATO. It means thank you. Ken Honda, a Japanese millionaire talks about ARIGATO in his book Happy Money. In the book he talks about making peace with your money. He talks about developing gratitude for everything in our life including our relationship with money. It’s quite simple actually. Whenever you receive any money, accept it with gratitude. No matter how big or small the amount is. Just say ARIGATO. I am thank ful. If you are spending money, spend it with same gratitude that my money is going to make someone happy. Spend money with an open heart and gratefulness. Ken Honda says money appreciates if you appreciate it. In Hindus, we have Lakshmi, goddess for money and we thank her when we receive money. In fact, if money falls on the floor, we pick it up and put it on our head to show our respect. 

In Singapore, I noticed everyone uses both hands with respect while giving or receiving money. The concept is the same, gratitude. 

Why am I talking about ARIGATO for money today? Because I feel if we are grateful for the money we receive, it will appreciate us back. We are often told money is the root cause of all evil. As Ayn Rand says in her book Atlas Shrugged, human avarice is the root cause of evil. If we practice ARIGATO in our financial transactions, avarice will take a back seat. 

How do you feel about money? Do you find practicing ARIGATO useful? 

ARIGATO for reading my blogs everyday and responding. 

Be safe and happy. 

So be it !!!

OKETAMO

 UKETAMO

My friend Alka sent me a video today about a Japanese self development and self discovery training program called Yamabushi. The first phase in the program is called Lessons From Mountains. The trainees trek for three days and face various challenges during this time. They have to sit under waterfalls, climb and cross rivers. They do all this without questioning. The term for this is UKETAMO. I accept. Without questioning. 

But why am I talking about it here ? The term intrigued me. To accept without arguing, to face the challenges in our journey of life with courage and surrender. Surrender to things which are beyond our control. Long line in the store? UKETAMO. Traffic jam on the highway? UKETAMO. Computer taking a long time to upload a big file? UKETAMO. 

We fret for smallest of things and create avoidable stress. The sooner we accept the good and the bad things life throws at us, the more peaceful we will be. We  will be  Sthitpragya, one with a stable mind as lord Krishna says in the  Bhagwat Geeta. It’s difficult yes, to accept without questioning. Human beings have an innate tendency to question everything. But then what can you do with the traffic jam? 

If you can,change things but without anger. If you can’t, OKETAMO. It will bring peace in your mind and will give you insight into the problem. 

Let’s try it for one day, today and see. Tomorrow we can discuss the results. 

OKETAMO 

So be it !!!

Do you lie?

 Do you lie ?

Ofcourse not most people would say, others might say sometimes. Very few will have the honesty to say I do. Even if we  don’t  lie we 

deceive. People use slippery words to manipulate others. They will use ambiguous words to mislead you. Justin D Ambrosio, a philosopher calls it manipulative under specification. This is when  someone leaves their answer open without committing. It’s the other person to interpret it. 

For example if I ask you are you coming for tonight’s party, you may say I’ll try my best. It’s not a yes but it’s not a no. So if you don’t go you can always say I tried but couldn’t make it. If you go it’s fine. 

Politicians do it all the time. They shout let’s make this country great again. But what they mean by great is left for people to think. Freedom of speech is a term which is used the most in this manipulative under specification. When politicians themselves say freedom of speech, they don’t specify that only they have the right to that. 

Most of us are guilty of this charge. We under specify because it gives us the freedom of denial. If something goes wrong we say that’s not what I meant. You can say underspecifying can save ugly situations some time. It could be true in some cases but it will sooner or later end up in an argument trust me. Sometimes there is a genuine situation where you actually can’t give straight answer. That is okay. However if you do it often people start to doubt every time you say something. You get a reputation of someone who can’t be trusted. Like politicians. 

Then comes the question of morality and integrity. That is the topic for another day. 

So do you under specify? Ask your self and can you do something about it? 

Have the courage to be specific. 

So be it !!!

Do you speak up?

 Do you speak up?

“The only thing necessary for the evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing”, said Edmund Burke, the Irish statesman and philosopher. In Bhagwat Geeta, lord Krishna said people who keep quiet against a bully are worse than the bully himself. They encourage him by their cowardice. People get scared for their life or that of their family. They think I alone cannot do much, I have no power. I am just a common person. But are we really powerless?

History has shown that every major revolution was brought about by common people working together. Whether it was Russian revolution against the tyranny of the Tzar, the reformation movement, Mexican revolution or the German peasant’s war, they were all started by common people rising against the oppression. They spoke against the injustice meted out to them and overthrew the system. 

In a democracy we have the power of vote. The common man can change the government if it doesn’t deliver. But in our day to day life so many occasions come when we should speak up and we don’t. We are either scared or we are given some incentive to keep quiet. The manager who bullies his subordinates to achieve targets, husband who belittles his wife all the time, a bully in school who  targets every good student or the local goon, they all have the power only because no one stands up to them. We can rationalize that I alone can’t do anything. But what if that wife gets up and retaliates ? What if the bully is reported to the principal of the school? What if the team get together and threaten the manager with non compliance? By keeping quiet and acquiescing to them, you are encouraging them. 

I know I am going to get all sorts of arguments of why people don’t speak up. I have spoken up and have got positive results most of the time. Even when no one came along, I spoke up and that encouraged other people. If one has the courage of their convictions, they are able to bring people together. Atleast one should try instead of suffering in silence. That is my belief. 

What do you think about it? Do you think a common person can make a difference? Do share your thoughts. 

Be outspoken against injustice. 

So be it !!!

Army again

 Army again

I got some very interesting feedback for my blog about army. Someone asked me if I was ready to die for nation if there were no benefits like CSD canteen. We are all entitled to our views no doubt but my friend Raminder wrote to me that army life is the best. She is an army officer’s daughter and was adjudged the Best Cadet in NCC  on all India level and won prime  minster’s baton which she still cherishes.  She is now the global head of her department in one of the top corporates of the world. She achieved it here, in Canada but NCC was instrumental in shaping her life and personality she says. Sushmita Sen who was Miss Universe expresses the same sentiments. 

Many of us who came here leaving our cushy jobs complain about how we don’t get jobs we deserve and how frustrated we feel. Not an army officer.  My husband worked as a security guard initially. It was a comedown in status for someone who had been an army officer. But he didn’t mind, the discipline of army came in handy. Another officer I know started at entry level in a bank and educated himself in finance. He then became a CFA. Yet another one made a success in real estate. There are scores of them here who succeeded.  As they say once a soldier, always a soldier. 

The naysayers will always find an argument to refute what armed forces teach us but I feel military training should be compulsory in every country. It instills national pride, teaches you life skills and makes you adaptable. There are some countries where army did a coup de tat and took over the reins of that country but those are exceptions and not the norm. 

What is your opinion? Do share

Be safe and happy. 

So be it !!!

Army anyone?

 Army anyone ?

My friend Niliya mentioned yesterday that Mississauga India Universe Manika Wishwakarma has been an NCC, National Cadet Corps  cadet. Niliya herself was a star cadet during her undergrad and participated in the Indian Republic Day parade. My sister was also a cadet and was the best shooter in Delhi. My husband was also a cadet in his university years. My school unfortunately was not affiliated with NCC, so I took up dramatics and debates. 

NCC was created to encourage youth to join the Indian Armed Forces by giving basic training in rifle shooting and basic survival skills. It instills national pride in youngsters, and they become more disciplined. Many NCC cadets join the army. Many countries have similar programs in schools and colleges. But lately, there has been a decline in youth joining the army. They prefer to work for multinational companies. The salary is better, and there is no physical risk. Most of the time, the job is nine to five, and then you come home and relax. 

The army, on the other hand, may be less paying, though there is not much difference these days, has better benefits in terms of health, lifestyle, and retirement. Fitness is an essential part of it, so remain fit as long as you are in service. Plus, contrary to popular belief, army officers are well-read in World War history, and many of management strategies have been borrowed from the army. I came to know this after I married an army officer. They have to study and write exams before every promotion in rank. In fact, the percentage of students trying to crack medical and engineering exams and getting selected is more than those trying to crack NDA or IMA, the entrance exam for defense services.

Yes, there are downsides. One gets transferred every two years, so children’s studies are disrupted. But then they see new places and learn to adapt themselves in any place, learning a valuable life skill. There is no difference of caste or religion in the armed forces. Every festival is celebrated in the unit. Of course, there is field posting where the family can’t go. There is always a risk of getting injured or even dying, especially in the Air Force, but the pride of serving the nation and protecting its borders is compensation enough. If you talk about the risk with any army officer or soldier, their response is always that it is for their country they would die. 

So, my salute to all the cadets, soldiers, and officers all over the world. You do a great job. 

Manika, I am sure you will do India proud using your life skills you learned as a cadet and bring the crown. 

So, be it !!!

Are you conversing?

 Are you conversing ?

What a question to ask, you would say. Of course, I do. I chat with my family, friends, colleagues; we swap news,  we go out on weekends, we even make small talk sometimes. When was the last time you had a real conversation? 

For Socrates, a conversation is where one person starts a topic and the other person takes it further by asking questions, reflecting, and then asking them the premise of their statement. Is it based on facts or assumptions? In doing so, both of them gain insight into the topic . One from an external perspective and the other from thinking about it. Sounds too complicated?

See, when we listen to someone say something, we also think about how to pursue that topic. The Socratic method implies various stages of dialogue, i.e., receive, reflect, clarify, probing underlying assumptions, asking for the evidence to support their viewpoint, and finally encouraging them to consider different perspectives. 

This method is not to win an argument but to encourage critical thinking and self-reflection. Both people engaging in this conversation learn to think and separate facts from prejudice. 

Actively listening is a very important part of the process. Only then can you paraphrase their statement. By doing so, you show that you are engaged. After this, you can ask focused questions like, “What do you mean by it?” or “Can you give an example?” Next, you can ask, “What makes you think so?” It brings the stage of whether their statement is based on facts or not. In doing so, you have made them think and reflect on their opinion. 

Most of us fail to do this. Believe me, this method can be applied anywhere: our personal life, business deals, diplomacy, and teaching. So next time you converse, keep Socratic dialogue in mind. It will change the way you talk. 

So be it !!!

How do you spend your leisure time?

 How do you spend your leisure time? 

Very often, when we meet someone, we ask them what they do  or what their job is. We define ourselves and others by our work. Work is important because it gives us money to survive. But is that all? Are we just an engineer, a doctor, a dentist, or a teacher? Or is there more to us, us the humans? 

According to Aristotle, a better way of knowing someone would be to ask them what they do in their leisure time. It is here that we define ourselves as human beings. Our activities outside our work reflect our true nature. Time spent with family, friends, and our hobbies tells us more about anyone than their job because, for Aristotle, being a human is not just to survive but to thrive. We must grow beyond our job in case we want to have a meaningful life. 

Our job puts food on the table, but what about food for the soul? Do we feed it with reading , loving our family, walking in nature? Painting, hiking, biking or swimming, anything that gives us pleasure in a positive way is the food for our soul. 

Human beings are complex creatures. We are never satisfied. We strive for more all through our lives. As soon as we finish one goal, we are on the next one. Perhaps that is what keeps us on our toes, helps us to grow. For me, an ideal life is if we can convert our hobby, something that we love doing, into our work. Then not only do we enjoy more, but we are more productive as well. It is not possible most times, but if it is, we can tell Aristotle I do leisure in my work time. Ha ha !!!

For me, radio hosting gives me immense pleasure, so when I am on the radio, I am doing leisure in my work time. So is writing my blog. For you, it could be anything. Find out what makes you happy and what makes you happy makes you a better person. 

So be it !!!

Mars vs. Venus

 Mars vs. Venus 

Have you heard of the book called Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus? Most of you must have read it too. In the book Dr. John Gray explains the difference in the sensitivity of men and women and how they relate to situations with a different mind set. He advises how both men and women can synchronize their connection. 

I agree with Dr. Gray that women and men have different emotional and mental responses. It’s because of the hormones. But I refuse to believe that there is no connection. And I am not just talking about sexual part. I feel they are complimentary to each other in every way. Stereotypes not withstanding, women are more emotional , nature made them do because they had to bear children. They are more patient, loving and caring. Men work more with their left brain. They go for logic, have linear thinking and rely on facts. They say these are neuromyths but there is some merit to the stereotypes. 

It doesn’t mean women have no logic and men don’t have empathy. Or that women cannot  endure physical tasks and men cannot care for others. We have come a long way from that. 

Today we have women pilots, army officers, politicians and what not. Practically every field. Gone are the days when women were confined to home and men went out and earned. 

In his sequel to his first book Dr Gray published another one titled Mars on Ice, Venus on fire. He talks about the journey of personal growth and how we can enhance the depth of love in our relationships keeping in mind their differences. That is a very interesting read.

Every couple goes through ups and downs in their journey together. Both grow as individuals with time. The secret is to grow both individually and together to make this trip of life more meaningful. If they grow only individually, they will eventually grow apart. Doing activities together alone will not work, pairings of mind will.

Are you a genus on fire or a Mars on ice? Reflect. 

So be it !!!

Are you poised?

 Are you poised? 

Started reading a biography of Jaqueline Kennedy. The woman who faced great tragedy in the prime of her youth and still remained poised and graceful. Not just then but her whole life. I haven’t finished the book but it intrigued me. Can someone be that poised all the time? Or is it a show for the public? In some women this poise is built in. Audrey Hepburn was one such woman. In my life my mother was always calm and composed. She rarely got angry and even in her anger she didn’t shout. Always graceful. Surprisingly I was the only one she broke down with after my father passed away. She would cry her heart out. But not with others. 

We all put up a brave face in front of others but with our family we let go or atleast most of us. 

Sone of us are able to share our problems easily with others, some can’t. It could be because they don’t want to be vulnerable or it could be that they are very private people. I for one am a social person and make friends easily. Many times my friends have shared their problems with me and they stay with me. Specially when I was in universit y, my friends often cried on my shoulder after a heart break. Funny eh?

I think poise comes with practice or at least gets refined with it. Grace is something we pick up with age and experience. From an exuberant, carefree teenager we all quickly slip into women of grace and sophistication. There are image consultants to help you with it if you are in public life,  a socialite or a film star. They teach how to dress up according to the event, how to be polite and polished all the time. How much you actually accomplish depends on your inner personality. 

What about being vivacious? Does that take away your poise. I think not. Rather it adds charm. It makes you a warm person, more relatable and approachable. I would rather remain vivacious than that cold grace with a plastic smile. I am sure most of you think likewise. Do share your thoughts. 

Be vivacious and graceful. Be poised. 

So be it !!!