Vande Mataram!!!

Just heard a speech by an army officer at a business school. He said a very interesting thing. He said everybody praises Indian army how they fight so valiantly. But how many of us actually can place Kargil, Siachin on the map of India? Many Indian kids would point out European cities but they wont be able to tell these places where our soldiers die almost every day.

How true it is. Our kids back home are a brilliant lot; MNCs pick them up. Their knowledge of the world is amazing but how many of them know what a soldier goes through. That officer also talked about how a Muslim commanding officer leads a Hindu regiment, how a christian commanding officers talks in clipped Haryanvi to his jaat regiment. A soldier doesn’t care what his religion or his commanding officer’s is. He fights to defend his country.

As an army officer’s wife I experienced this. A Muslim commanding officer leading the ‘mandir parade’, the whole unit celebrating ‘Diwali’ and eating ‘Sewai’ on Eid. But then the soldiers come back and the casteism, religion and ten other dividing factors bombard them. Political leaders have their own agenda. They use people as vote banks and try to appease one section of society. The parties in the opposition suddenly become most patriotic once out of power. The stronger the ruling party, the stronger the protests by the opposition. The worst part is that they use students for creating these divisive factions.

The youth are a vulnerable section. They are idealists and they really want to b ring a change. But when manipulated by vested interests, they become mere puppets in this political game.

It is true that we don’t have to wear our patriotism on our sleeve but at the same time giving extreme statements about one’s own country just to get a little more coverage on the news channel is also a shameful act. Especially,  if it is done by a leader.

The youth are the leaders of tomorrow and by leadership I don’t mean political, but leaders in taking India further on the road to prosperity. They have to understand; in fact whole public today has to understand that the beauty of our country lies in the diversity. Let no one spoil that. Our ‘Ganga-Jamuni’ tehzib has been there for centuries. And no one, and I insist, no one has the right to insult our motherland.

Let it be clear to all and sundry. India was one and will remain one. Jai Hind

So be it!!!

Let them fly

Just read a post on Facebook about a mom who was beating her child for getting only 94% in grade 7exams. She was so worried how will he get admission in a medical or engineering school. What a shame. Today in India, the stress on children to get more marks has reached a very dangerous level. Even western countries are not an exception. More and more kids are committing suicide because they got ‘low’ marks and were sad they wouldn’t get admission in any professional school and what will their parents say. The parents are bothered what will relatives and neighbours say.

Even if such a kid survives and does become an engineer or a doctor, or a software engineer, will she/he be happy? May be they didn’t want to be a doctor. May be they wanted to be a writer, a painter or a musician.

By imposing our ambitions on them, aren’t we preparing grounds for depression? Aren’t we presenting a wrong model before the? Such a child when becomes a parent, will do the same to their kids.

I am not saying being a professional is bad. Having a good degree is always helpful in becoming successful. But it should not become an obsession. Fortunately, there are so many options available these days for kids to explore their talent and real ambition.

My friend Carol was so anxious that her son had dropped out of grade 9. He would stay in his basement all day and while away his time. He was into depression. Then he took a part time job in a restaurant and Voila!!! Life turned around for him. He started as a buss boy and very soon became a Sous chef because he showed his ability to cook. He got a better job at one of the resort, finished his high school and his company paid for his training as a chef. Today he is successful, has a steady girlfriend and is out of depression.

My younger son realized while in university, that conventional education and job were not for him. We were a bit worried in the beginning to be honest. But he chose his own path, stumbled sometimes but today is doing very well. He is a yoga trainer and a successful actor, speaker. He participated in Survivor, the reality show and went to Philippines for 45 days. Surviving in jungle without any amenities is something not many doctors and engineers can do.

I understand that parents pressurize their kids so they can have a good future. But what is more important? Them becoming a forced professional or happy people? Does that mean we should not tell our kids to study? No not at all. But go to the point where they think of committing suicide rather than coming home to a parent who comforts them saying, no worries, you tried your best.

By all means scold them, ask them to study hard, make a routine for them. These habits will instill discipline in them and prepare them for other problems in life. But when they get 84% rather than 95%, hug them, make a cup of hot chocolate and tell them to try harder next time. Believe me they will

So be it!!!

Someday people will visit ideas instead of places

Wondering why such a long title? Actually it is from a book called ‘My ancestor was an ancient astronaut’ by Toba Beta, an Indonesian economist turned writer. The title started a chain of thought in my mind. I thought this is exactly what we should do. Visit ideas; ideas which could change our life, change our thinking and may be bring a change in the world. All great things start with an idea.

Or don’t.  Go blank. Be thoughtless. Empty your mind of everything. Just ‘BE’. Actually this thoughtlessness is the birthplace of all ideas. Do I sound confused? I am not. Only when you have emptied your mind of all negative thoughts, cleansed your mind of all tumultuous ideas, can you be creative. That is when you actually visit ideas. That moment is most creative. That is what meditation is.

I am not talking about to nothingness or some kind of nihilism. Emptiness refers to the fact that ultimately, our day-to-day experiences and perception of reality is wrong, and reality is actually 'empty' of many qualities that we normally assign to it. We perceive our reality according to our experiences. That is where all troubles start. But when we meditate, we relieve our mind of these subjective perceptions and that brings clarity in our mind. Then we see things as they are. As Albert Einstein said, “A human being is part of a whole, called by us the 'universe', a part limited in time and space.

He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings, as something separate from the rest - a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affectation for a few people near us”.

But why am I being so philosophical? Just visited Pittsburgh and went to see some temples. Sitting in of the temples I had this epiphany. I realized that when you seek to discover the outside world, you become stressed. But when you seek to discover yourself, you become calm and that clam gives you the creative ideas. As Dalai Lama says,

"...I believe all suffering is caused by ignorance. People inflict pain on others in the selfish pursuit of their happiness or satisfaction. Yet true happiness comes from a sense of peace and contentment, which in turn must be achieved through the cultivation of altruism, of love and compassion, and elimination of ignorance, selfishness, and greed..."I feel this love, compassion, altruism comes only after you meditate an d clear your mind of all subjective ideas.

So take out a little time to ‘BE’. Empty your mind of all ideas in order to visit ideas.

So be it!!!

Character dheela hai

Last night while rehearsing for my upcoming play, our director said ’get into your character’. He meant the characters we are playing. But more often than not character has come to be judged in terms of morality. Being amoral am dim moral has become the benchmark of judging a person. Salman Khan sang character dheela hai in this context only.

The Cambridge dictionary describes character as:

The particular combination of things about a person or place, esp. things you cannot see, that make that person or place different from others:

Character is often used in a positive way to mean qualities that are interesting and unusual:

Character is also a person played by somebody in a movie, play or story.

Psychology describes character as a set of traits that are unique to a person and are influenced by various factors such as your childhood experiences, your family values and many more things. Why am I getting in to technicalities? Because it pains me no end to see people being misjudged on the basis of morality termed as character. A person may be totally moral but still could be a nuisance to others.

We generalize character when we want to criticize somebody. If a person doesn’t fit into our perceived notion, we say he/she is characterless. If a woman has an extra marital affair, she is branded as characterless. But does having an affair take away her traits, her experiences, and her core beliefs? Does that wash away her emotions?

 Our character is made up much more than just morality. It is a part of character but not the sole trait. A loving father can be amoral, embezzling from his company and an abusive husband can me moral.

As Helen Fisher, a noted psychologist says,” Your character traits stem from your experiences. Your childhood games; your family’s interests and values; how people in your community express love and hate; what relatives and friends regard as courteous or perilous; how those around you worship; what they sing; when they laugh; how they make a living and relax: innumerable cultural forces build your unique set of character traits.” We all are an end result of all this.

If we keep this in mind, we will be more careful in branding somebody as characterless.

May be we will be more compassionate, more tolerant of others’ shortcomings and will be able to communicate with our heart.

How about giving it a try from today?

So be it!!!

Politically incorrect?

Terror struck again yesterday in Belgium and killed more than 34 people. The bombs were detonated at the two major hubs, the airport and subway. Daesh or ISIS took the responsibility. It came just days after Belgian police catching the prime suspect of Paris attacks. He told the authorities he was planning something new.  

 This had to happen. For years the radical Muslims have been gaining power in Belgium. They even demanded to convert Belgium into Balgistan and have Sharia law for not just Muslims but everybody. I saw this on YouTube . When I talked about it to my friends, they said I was being paranoid. Every one thought it was just another attempt by some youngster to attract attention.  

The report on social media came out around 11. I was in the process of posting my blog. My first thought was of a scrapping that and write one on the attacks. But I waited for more information to come. There was something else I was waiting for. The condemnation of the attack by my extended circle of friends on social media.  

 Everyday my Facebook page is full of results of how many true friends you have, who would like to date you, what do your eyes convey types of apps. Then there are others that have some deity or some disabled person's picture and five years of bad luck if you don't share it. Yesterday it was holi celebrations. Not one mention of Belgium attacks. 

 Late in the night my friend Rummy posted a condolence message on her FB page and then Shahla. They both prayed for the victims. Are we humans, as a race, become apathetic of others? Why didn't I have hundreds of posts condemning the attacks? Is it sheer apathy or we want to be politically correct. We, the educated, the so called intellectuals, can discuss the budget by the liberal government but not raise our voice against Islamic terrorism. Why don't I see non Muslim people protesting against this mindless terror? Why? Because we are afraid that we will offend our Muslim friends here on Canada? We don't want to disturb the political calm? Or is it because it is not in our backyard? Will it take a terrorist attack in Toronto to wake us up? Two of my best friends are Muslims and from Pakistan. Does that mean I don't criticize the terror attacks?  

 Owasi, a small time political leader in India made a statement that he won't chant Bharatmata ki Jai. He wanted to sound a radical in order to promote his political career. Hundreds of Muslims came out on roads in different parts of the country and chanted Bharatmata ki Jai. Muslim intellectuals like Javed Akhtar made a speech in parliament condemning him. People even went to the extent of writing the slogan in their blood. Owaisi is now quiet. His political balloon is now deflated. Why? Because his own community showed him that they are not radical like him and they want to live in peace.  

 Why don't Muslims in Canada and all over the world do that? Why don't the Muslim intelligentsia condemn theses acts in public? Do they think that they are safe from Islamic terrorism because they are Muslim ? Look at Syria, look at Afghanistan and numerous other Islamic countries. Muslims killing Muslims, raping their women and brutally beheading their children. Will they spare you? NO. 

 Because terrorism has no religion, no faith. Terrorists just want power or rather they are the puppets in the hands of few who have their vested interests in funding and indoctrinating marginalized people. Youth who were responsible for London attacks were all raised in England , some of them born there. They were radicalized by these vested interests.  

 So wake up my friends and make efforts, in your small ways to condemn terror of any kind. Discuss the issue openly. It is not Muslims against others. It is terrorism against the rest of the world. Religion has nothing to do with it. Don't let a handful of misguided, mindless people give a bad name to the whole community. Talk on your local radio, papers and other forums and condemn this in most severe terms. Let's unite in the fight against terrorism. 

 So be it!!!

What is your obituary?

Rob Ford has passed away. A sad news for some, indifferent for others, rather most people. Ford was a controversial figure even before he became the mayor of Toronto. While being mayor he got involved in different scams. They say, speak well about a dead man. That set me thinking what will be his obituary?

More than that, it set me thinking what will be my obituary.

We all want to be remembered with fondness and we want our loved ones to miss us. The desire to be immortal in their memories is very strong. But do you want your obituary to be genuinely heart felt or just empty words because one speaks well of a deceased?

There is one thing you can do. Take stock of your life. Where you are, how good is your relationship with your dear ones, how well do you get along with your colleagues, what is your equation with your boss and above all how is your relationship with your self?  Are you at peace? Are you emotionally balanced? Because these factors will reflect in all aspects of your life.

How many times you have been proactive to help somebody, how many times you have lent a shoulder to a crying friend, how many times you have diffused a tumultuous situation.

How do you react in a crisis, how well do you handle stress, are you a whiner or a winner and how do you handle criticism. Do you blame others for your failures or do you take ownership of your mistakes, do you find excuses for tasks unaccomplished or do you find scapegoats.

What efforts do you do to keep fit, how healthy do you eat and what is your routine. Does it have some quite time or are you always busy. Do you take out sometime to be quiet and talk to yourself or you don t want to face yourself. Do you meditate or just pass your time on Facebook and Whatsapp.

How many books have you read in the past one-year, what hobbies have you started and do you have any bucket list? If yes, how many items out of that have you done? How do you entertain yourself? How much quality time you spend with your family? How often you have friends over.

The list goes on and on. Take out half an hour right now, take a pen and a notebook and take stock of your life. After you have pondered over it, write your obituary and then try to live up to it.

So be it!!!